Influence

To your co-worker – why can’t you just do your job and quit asking questions?  To your kid – why does everything have to be an argument with you?   To your wife — yeah right, like I’m going to give an example for that one!!!!

Hopefully the aforementioned situations resonate with you.  Each day we encounter a number of situations where we would like to be able to control someone or something.  Now perhaps you are more effective than I am in this space; however, I normally don’t do so well when I go with the control route.  Sure, with a subordinate at work or with a kid you can sometimes get the behavior you want.  However — and apologies up front for the political incorrectness — more often than not the old adage ‘convince a woman against her will and she is of the same opinion still’ holds regardless of whether the situation involves a man or woman, a child or an adult, or someone we know well or do not.

What we can do is exert influence.  Influence is those things that we say or do that others observe.  The key here is “do” versus “say”.  People are incredibly observant.  They listen and watch everything.  They’re hard wired to notice disconnects quickly.  Hence if you say A and do B, they pick it up immediately.  Alignment between your words and actions is critical!  People also like consistency.  If they see the same behavior day after day, they’ll come to expect it.  And in this manner you can exert your influence.  Pick a focus, identify the right behavior, model the behavior, positively reinforce in others.  It’s a recipe for success.  The key is:

Ultimately we can not control anyone or anything; however, we can exert a huge amount of influence through our actions.

With that in mind:

Are you exerting influence through what you say or what you do?

As always, thanks for the time.